The blog post below was written by me in autumn 2017, while I was on a residential Ayurvedic retreat in Lincolnshire and working hard on my recovery from chronic fatigue, which I had succumbed to in 2015, after a couple of years of really traumatic events in my personal life. In a true procrastinator fashion, I put it aside and did nothing about publishing it at the time, but somehow had a sneaky suspicion it may still come handy one day. Looking back at what I wrote back then, I can already see how much my life has changed and improved since. And yes – I am still very much work in progress, as we all are, but it has been so good to have finally plucked up the courage to say yes to life again, despite all the curveballs it served me in the last few years and beyond. I hope you will find it an interesting and encouraging read.
“I first heard of the notion of “carpe diem” while at school and it was introduced to me via the medium of classical literature. And while I grasped the concept quite well at the time, being a naïve and not very world-wisely fifteen-year-old, I most certainly lacked the emotional maturity to understand what it was really about. But then again, if you try telling your average teenager that none of us are here forever and that time waits on no man (or woman, for that matter), the most likely reaction you are going to get is a shrug of their shoulders, possibly accompanied by a glazed over expression of someone who feels that old age and death are an eternity away. At that stage of life many of us act like we are invincible, feeling deep in our bones that if only we dream and try hard enough, almost anything is possible. And while we get impatient about not getting the things we want “right here and right now” at times, there is also a sense of vastness of all the years stretching ahead of us and the intuitive knowing that we can still drink from the well of life without much restriction, so there is rarely the urge to just “seize the day” (which is the English equivalent of “carpe diem”) making an appearance.
If you can’t remember that far back, or simply don’t believe me, just observe some laid-back teenagers, who at any given opportunity get up not long before midday, spend half a night playing computer games, or chatting online to their friends instead of studying, and who generally give the impression of not caring about anything beyond the very basic needs of their daily existence. “Chill” is their word of choice and to them you are often just an annoying nag whenever you try to motivate them to get on with stuff. Time is still their friend and its passage is welcomed into their lives without the apprehension that so frequently accompanies people as they start to age.
So when and how does it all change? There is no definitive point which is the same for everyone, as our life paths vary so greatly from person to person. From observation and personal experience though, I would venture a guess that such a starting point is often triggered by some kind of irrevocable loss. Something that shakes a person’s life and belief system to the point where they start questioning the meaning and purpose of being here and become acutely aware of the fact that some opportunities may only come around once, so need to be grabbed with both hands whenever possible. For some, the catalyst of change is the physical death of a loved one or someone they felt really close to, or a metaphorical death of a personal relationship they invested a huge amount of their life and energy into. For others, it may be health problems limiting their range of activities or their potential life span, major financial problems caused by debt or unemployment, children flying the nest and a number of other things which challenge our sense of stability right to its very core. But whatever that trigger is, the universal message accompanying such events is often that of time starting to run out on us, introducing the sense of urgency and panic for some, while causing others to become really determined about making the best of whatever time they have left here, on planet Earth.
So what is “carpe diem” then? Is it about indulging the hedonistic pleasures of the material world, as it often gets interpreted at the very basic level? Or maybe it is that fear of missing out, making us chase every shiny thing out there in the hope of it finally making us fulfilled and whole? I still don’t really know for certain, is my honest answer, despite my life having progressed by 30 years since I first pondered that question. However, through various life losses that I had to endure and get over, I now get a sense that “carpe diem” may be a lot closer to the idea of living in the now and with the courage to try things, even if we may not always succeed at them, rather than it being an excuse for self-indulgence and hedonism.
This blog post is entitled “Carpe Diem Tomorrow” because that is exactly what I had done for many years in the past, only allowing some of my greatest dreams, hopes and aspirations to exist in the realm of fantasy world and not having the courage to go for them in real life.
Someone (possibly Goethe, although opinions on the subject are divided) famously wrote: “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back – concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now”. So watch this space everyone!”
A lot of things happened since I wrote the words above in September 2017 and the world we are living in now has shifted considerably too, especially in the last year, since the beginning of Covid and all the lockdowns that ensued as a result of it. I still had my fair share of ups and down and disappointments over the last few years in different areas of my life, but I also had some amazing triumphs and achievements to do with work, education, personal development, making new connections, spirituality and above all health improvements. With the help of all the tools I collected over the years through my training as a nutritional therapist and a health coach, as well as my own research into various other healing and lifestyle modification modalities, including mindfulness, I have managed to overcome depression and emotional eating, both of which plagued me on and off for many years. I also improved the chronic fatigue to the point that even though it is not gone 100 percent, I now have a lot more consistent energy and ability to get on with daily life and actually enjoy it.
I am currently training to facilitate mindfulness in the community, after committing to a consistent daily group mindfulness practice in April 2020, which had profoundly positive effect on both my emotional and physical health since lockdowns started. I am really looking forward to being able to offer similar mindfulness practices to the wider world out there before too long, alongside my existing nutritional therapy and psychology of eating health coaching work.
I am also working on a subscription-based, online Inside Out Radiance Club, the members of which will enjoy the benefits of all my training and experience in the areas mentioned above, as well as regular mindfulness sessions, trainings and Q&A sessions around nutrition and psychology of eating, resources and inspiration to help them make their own adventure with food feel more interesting and manageable, as well as support and accountability from both me and other members of the community.
Maya Angelou famously said: “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour and some style”. If you are looking for a breakthrough with some of your own health challenges and could do with a guiding and non-judgemental hand to help you start that journey, do get in touch to see if I might be able to offer you some pointers as to how to navigate your inner compass towards radiance and vitality again.
To find out more about my healing journey and how I managed to turn some pretty challenging times around, you are invited to read my coaches blog here:
http://directory.psychologyofeating.com/the-darkest-hour-is-always-before-the-dawn-the-gift-of-total-despair/
With my best wishes for lots of radiance in your own life
Barbara
Inside Out Radiance Health Coaching
www.insideoutradiance.com