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As we are getting close to the middle of Bank Holiday weekend and some extra time off work for many of us, it seems fitting to contemplate a question that often lingers in the back of our minds: What is our true purpose for being here? Moreover, how does our understanding (or lack thereof) of this purpose influence our daily levels of motivation, joy, and resilience in the face of life's inevitable challenges? Interestingly, yesterday marked the birthday of Paulo Coelho, the acclaimed Brazilian author known for his profound philosophical insights. While his work may not resonate with everyone, particularly those who pride themselves on pragmatism, there's an undeniable truth in his writings that speaks to the human condition. As social beings, we are inherently driven to forge meaningful connections with others, be it through friendships, family bonds, or romantic partnerships. These relationships not only enrich our lives but also provide a deeper sense of purpose and meaning to our daily endeavours. This truth becomes particularly poignant when we consider the insights shared by those working in palliative care or with the elderly. A common thread in end-of-life reflections is the regret of not having spent enough quality time with loved ones or expressing affection to those who mattered most. These revelations underscore the importance of nurturing our relationships throughout our lives, not just in our later years. However, we need not wait for a life-altering moment to embrace this wisdom. This weekend presents an opportune time to reflect on the relationships in our lives that may have been neglected due to the demands of modern living. Consider creating a list of individuals who have played significant roles in your life but with whom you've lost touch. Once compiled, challenge yourself to reach out to one or more of these people. Rekindling these connections can bring mutual joy, support, and a renewed sense of purpose. Because sharing life's experiences – both triumphs and tribulations – often makes our journey here a lot more meaningful and fulfilling. For those who find themselves without such connections, take heart. Sometimes, the simplest gestures can open doors to new relationships. A genuine smile or a kind word to a stranger might be the catalyst for a meaningful interaction or, at the very least, a moment of human warmth in someone's day. As we navigate the complexities of our daily lives, it's crucial to remember that our purpose often intertwines with the lives we touch and the connections we nurture. By actively seeking and maintaining these relationships, we can enhance our motivation, increase our capacity for joy, and build resilience against life's inevitable challenges. This Bank Holiday weekend, as you go about your activities, consider how you might strengthen your existing relationships or forge new ones. In doing so, you may find yourself one step closer to understanding your true purpose and experiencing a more fulfilling life. Wishing you a weekend filled with meaningful connections and renewed bonds! About Barbara: My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style” said Maya Angelou. I embrace that life philosophy wholeheartedly too and try to encourage my clients to do the same. I have a particular interest and expertise in working with digestive health, immunity, stress, and low energy concerns. And after recovering from chronic fatigue and depression in the past, I now guide burnt out high flying female executives and overwhelmed female business owners on their journey back towards better health and renewed zest for life using my signature Reclaim Your Radiance Method.

Introduction When I first came across the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, I was naturally drawn to it because of its title. As someone who still refers to myself as a recovering people pleaser, the concept immediately resonated with me. And after reading the summary and realising that the main premise of the book is based on the principles of Adlerian individual psychology, it made even more sense that I was intuitively drawn to it. My connection to Adlerian psychology runs deep. I trained as an Adlerian counsellor for two years back in 2013 and fell in love with how Adler's work and philosophy on life was helping others make sense of themselves, the world, and the often complex and perplexing interpersonal relationships we form throughout our lives. Although I didn't complete my counselling qualification due to serious health issues and some major personal challenges I was experiencing at the time, the principles I learned during that training have been invaluable in both my personal and professional life ever since. Book Summary "The Courage to Be Disliked" presents its wisdom through a dialogue between a philosopher and a young person, exploring key concepts from Alfred Adler's theories. The book challenges readers to reconsider their perspectives on life, relationships, and personal growth. Some of the main ideas include: the importance of accepting oneself and having the courage to be disliked by others the concept that past experiences don't determine one's future the idea that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems the significance of contributing to others and the community the notion that happiness is a choice and comes from within One quote from the book that particularly stands out for me is: "The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness." Applying The Principles From "Courage To Be Disliked" To Overcome Anxiety and People-Pleasing For those struggling with anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies or other mood disorders, the principles outlined in "The Courage to Be Disliked" can be transformative. Here's how: Liberating Yourself from Others' Opinions: By cultivating the courage to be disliked, you free yourself from the exhausting task of trying to please everyone. This shift allows you to focus on your own values and desires, leading to more authentic relationships and a stronger sense of self. Embracing Authenticity: When you're no longer consumed by the need for universal approval, you can start living more authentically. This authenticity is a powerful antidote to anxiety and depression, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfilment that no amount of external validation can provide. Setting Healthy Boundaries: The courage to be disliked empowers you to set and maintain healthy boundaries. For those prone to people-pleasing, this can be revolutionary. By prioritizing your own needs and learning to say "no" when necessary, you create space for genuine self-care and reduce the likelihood of burnout. Redefining Success: When you're willing t o be disliked, you can redefine success on your own terms. This shift in perspective can alleviate the pressure to meet others' standards and allow you to celebrate your unique journey. Fostering Resilience: Developing the courage to be disliked builds resilience. Each time you stay true to yourself despite potential disapproval, you strengthen your ability to weather life's challenges. Lightening Your Relationships: As the quote suggests, when you gain the courage to be disliked, your relationships become lighter. You'll find yourself surrounded by people who appreciate you for who you are, not for who they want you to be. Embracing Growth and Change: The courage to be disliked opens the door to personal growth. It allows you to take risks, try new things, and learn from failures without the crippling fear of judgment. Personal Reflection In my own journey, I've found that incorporating these Adlerian principles has been transformative. As a recovering people pleaser, I've learned to prioritise my own needs and values, leading to more authentic and fulfilling relationships. I've also found that sharing these concepts with others – both in professional settings and personal interactions – has helped many people gain a new perspective on their struggles with anxiety and self-doubt. The path to cultivating the courage to be disliked is ongoing. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviours. But the rewards – a lighter spirit, more genuine connections, as well as a stronger sense of self – are immeasurable. For those struggling with anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies or other mood disorders, I encourage you to explore these principles. Whether through reading "The Courage to Be Disliked," or simply starting to question your need for universal approval, taking steps towards authenticity can lead to a more grounded, confident and ultimately happier life. Remember, the journey to self-acceptance and the courage to be disliked is just that – a journey. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and know that each step to wards authenticity is a step towards a lighter, more fulfilling life.

As someone who lost a year of life to staying in bed with FATIGUE, MUSCLE PAIN, DEPRESSION and COMPLETE BRAIN FOG back in 2015, I can relate to and have empathy for anyone suffering with seemingly unrelated health problems, which can make effective day to day functioning impossible. My problems started after 3 years of severe emotional stress and 2 viral infections in 2014 – both factors being common causes for the onset of chronic fatigue in many people. Thanks to my training in nutrition and holistic health and perseverance with emotional healing over the years, I am happy to say that I have managed to heal CFS and am about 80 percent recovered now, with some relapses still happening occasionally, but being very rare in general. So What Is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / CFS? The name itself has been banded around so much over the last few years, yet I still feel like many people don’t fully understand the implications of what is involved in it. Typically, a diagnosis of chronic fatigue might be considered: In a person with SEVERE FATIGUE THAT PERSISTS OR RELAPSES FOR 6 MONTHS AND 4 OF THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS ALSO PRESENT: ➡️ impaired memory or concentration ➡️ multi joint pain ➡️ sore throat ➡️ new headaches ➡️ tender cervical or axillary nodes ➡️ unrefreshing sleep ➡️ muscle pain ➡️ post-exertional malaise The fatigue is severe, of new or definite onset and: ➡️ is not alleviated by rest ➡️ results in substantial reduction in occupational, educational or personal activities CONVENTIONAL MEDICINE will often tell us that we can only manage and minimise the symptoms of chronic fatigue at best ⬇️ by using lifestyle modifications and stress reduction as the main tools, as there is no known medication to take that would effectively get rid of the symptoms altogether. HOLISTIC APPROACHES, on the other hand, tend to be more successful in bringing about lasting improvement, as they will most likely also include and address factors such as: ⭐ diet – including potential food allergies and nutritional deficiencies ⭐ gut imbalances and parasitic infections ⭐ potential hormonal imbalances ⭐ lowered immunity ⭐ environmental factors ⭐ emotional stressors If unaddressed, all of the factors above can be contributing to the worsening of chronic fatigue at times, or people suffering with it not being able to heal and recover at all. If you: ➡️ recognise yourself in the description above ➡️ would like to know how my 3 months health coaching programme using the Reclaim Your Radiance With Barbara method could help you start addressing some of those root causes of persistent and unrelenting tiredness, whether it is labelled as chronic fatigue or not ⬇️ why not book a complimentary Zoom chat with me to discuss your concerns and find out about how I would plan to address them if working together. https://calendly.com/insideoutradianceappointments/free-30-minute-discovery-call?month=2024-08 With Radiant Blessings Barbara Inside Out Radiance Health Coac h

This may sound like a bit of a controversial statement in the world where we are all being encouraged to be more tolerant and understanding of one another, as well as our differences and struggles. But the key to understanding what I meant by saying the above lies in the difference between two quite similar yet distinct concepts, i.e. empathy and compassion, which unfortunately tend to get used interchangeably a lot of the time. As someone who used to pride herself on being an empath and a people’s person, I came to understand the price we pay for excessive or misplaced empathy all too well throughout my earlier years, when I would be often severely and disproportionately affected by other people’s low moods, bad temper, mental health issues or general life struggles. And I used to allow some of those things to spill over into my own emotional and energy field, the way many highly sensitive people do before they learnt about making and maintaining their energetic boundaries. So, as you can see from the example above, empathy can be perceived to be “an involuntary breach of individual separateness”, as philosopher Susanne Langer once aptly named it and as such be quite bad for our physical and emotional health. And this seems to apply particularly when we observe someone suffering, such as a loved one. Furthermore, brain scan studies by neuroscientist Tania Singer of the Max Planck Society in Germany have demonstrated that when participants watched others in pain, their brain activity in the regions associated with pain was partially mirrored, which may be an evolutionary adaptation to help us predict, and avoid, how pain would affect us. So what we are being encouraged to do instead of feeling empathy or “feeling into others”, is fostering our ability to feel compassion, which is understood and described as “a feeling of concern for another person’s suffering which is accompanied by the motivation to help” according to Tania Singer. Another well known example of illustrating the difference between empathy and compassion is using the metaphor of trying to help someone stuck in a deep hole by extending a rope to them from above (i.e. compassion) and resisting the urge to climb into the hole with them for comfort and company (i.e. empathy). So, next time you find yourself feeling exhausted by being a highly sensitive person, try to practice establishing stronger energetic boundaries. And remember that you can help others much better from a place of being balanced and not emotionally enmeshed in their struggles. #recoveryfromchronicfatigue# #bettermoodsolutions# #holisticnutritionist# #dynamiceatingpsychology# With radiant blessings Barbara Inside Out Radiance Health Coach

I came across the concept of “The 4 Agreements” by Don Miquel Ruiz quite a long time ago. And I initially read the principles with interest, but also as another pearl of wisdom and common sense in the vast sea of personal development advice that is available to us these days. However, for one reason or another, this information has been finding its way to me again recently on social media, so I decided to take another look, as I don’t believe there are such things as coincidences in life. And very fittingly, those concepts appear to be speaking to my journey of a recovering people pleaser that I have been on for the last few years, as a reminder and an affirmation not to take everything to heart and so personally. According to the publisher of the book, Janet Mills, “The Four Agreements replace conflict, drama, and needless emotional suffering with happiness, personal freedom, love, and respect for one’s “self” and all life.” The teachings are derived from the principles going back to the ancient Mexican culture of Toltecs and they are based on the awareness of the illusory nature of reality and the realisation that what we perceive as reality, is merely collective, unconscious agreements of society. With the bottom line of that philosophy being the fact that we don’t see life as such, but what we do see is our own filter system composed of beliefs, expectations, agreements and assumptions. Those principles can be very useful to anyone aspiring to live their lives in a conscious, honourable and honest way. However I also feel that for women who had had their physical or emotional health compromised in the past as a result of excessive people pleasing and inability to establish and maintain their own boundaries, they are essential signposts on how to conduct oneself in a way that is going to facilitate recovery and prevent future relapses. So my suggestion would be to have a look at each of those agreements when you find a peaceful and uninterrupted moment to yourself and reflect on whether they are already present in your life right now. And if they are not, have a think about how you could start implementing them in a way that would enhance your health, wellbeing, joy and ability to be unapologetically yourself, while also honouring other people’s life journeys. #recoveryfromchronicfatigue# #emotionalresilience# #holisticnutritionist# #dynamiceatingpsychology# With radiant blessings Barbara Reclaim Your Radiance Health Coach

Have You Been Stuck In A Downward Spiral Pose? We all have days when it feels like the whole world is conspiring against us, and no, I don't mean what's been happening in the last few years, although the chaos and uncertainty of what's been unfolding certainly doesn't make life easy sometimes. What I meant was those moments when we feel like we are completely done: - out of power, - out if inspiration, - out of courage, - and out of desire to even try make anything better again. And it's all because of something that happened that triggered our sense of doom and gloom and put our nervous system in that fight-flight-freeze response yet again. And that something could have been an emotionally upsetting incident, or in case of someone who has been battling chronic health problems - a health scare or an accident that left them feeling powerless and out of control. If you have ever dwelt in one of those places, you will recognise its barren landscape - with no growth of any kind or even a slightest hint of sunlight appearing from behind the stormy skies. It's simply terrifying and you are desperate to leave it as soon as you can. And while it is not always possible to change the scenery around you at the click of your fingers, you still have some choices regarding what to do with the stones that have been thrown in your direction. By either continuing to trip over them, or using them to built a beautiful rockery with plants as tough as nails, that will withstand any kind of weather conditions. But before you do that, you must also remember to water yourself, as you are both the gardener and the most important plant in the garden of your life. And none of the other stuff can happen without your presence. So when you feel weary, discouraged and scared, nurture yourself as if you would a tender sapling: - give yourself nourishment and time required to grow stronger, - exercise patience - remember that growth is not an instantaneous process - find the kind of fertiliser that suits your individual needs And above all, always have faith in the miraculous power of nature and your own body to heal, restore and make you stronger. And maybe also try doing an upward facing dog and a sun salute as well - if that's your kind of thing. With radiant blessings Barbara Inside Out Radiance Health Coach

What do you do when life hands you lemons? Do you make lemonade, gather some snacks, put flowers on the table and invite your friends for a garden party? Or do you hide inside till the storms of your life subside, which may or may not happen any time soon? I was invited to a garden party yesterday by a lovely friend in her late 70s, who is one of the bravest Parkinson warriors I have ever come across. And even despite her ongoing health struggles, she still manages to put a smile on her face, go out and take part in all sort of different activities and groups and even more importantly make the people around her feel like they matter, which is ultimately what we all want. She wasn't having the best day yesterday and had to retreat indoors for a little while, as was feeling weak and worn out. But rather than call it the day as far as the party was concerned, she let her friends lovingly support her through her low until she felt a bit better again. We can't always be fully in control of how our days pan put, especially when we live with a chronic or degenerative condition. But we can certainly take different measures to help ourselves recuperate and also find a supportive tribe of people who will be there for us holding the umbrella on those stormy and cloudy days. Have you found your tribe yet?

Sometimes we have to find the courage to uproot the things that are precious to us and start all over again in a new setting. I took the photo below in 2019, in what used to be my parents flower and vegetable garden, after they sold their land which they tended for 40 years to move to a more manageable house and garden. But before they left, they dug out some of the plants they wanted to take with them and also transported a lot of the top soil to the new setting, as the new garden was ornamental only and grass covered, so the soil would be of really poor quality. I think this is a great metaphor for when we have to make some changes in our life but are feeling really nostalgic about leaving behind all the familiar things, even if they are not manageable or serving us well, and starting something new. Whether it might be a new career, a new place to live, a new way of eating, a new lifestyle or even a new hobby sometimes. And yes, the fear is real, but if we manage to find the courage to make that first step towards change, salvaging whatever possible from the old way of being, we will often be rewarded with luscious, new growth elsewhere. What fears and things that no longer serve you are you letting go of today?