And while in the past a looming birthday would have sometimes been a reason to feel a bit down and like there isn’t much more sand left in my personal sand timer, on this particular occasion I decided to embrace the celebration with both hands. And I ended up having a truly great weekend, catching up with a few friends and family members.
The reason for such a different response was partially because I made up my mind that I was going to enjoy myself no matter what and this intention then translated itself into me feeling happy and uplifted. But another reason for being more accepting of it all, was the fact that I also decided to start embracing the natural archetype of the period of life I have just entered, i.e. the Queen stage.
And before you judge me as being a snob for saying that I am now a Queen, that particular archetype, as well as many others, has been explored, explained and used in their client work by many psychotherapists and coaches, starting with the great and very intuitive Carl Jung himself.
I learnt about archetypes and their impact on us during my Mind and Body Health Coaching training with the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And almost immediately, I found them a fascinating and useful tool for assisting clients with navigating often tricky and tumultuous waters of life with a bit more ease, grace and acceptance. I also used a blog about a queen archetype by Katherine Ann Lee as a springboard for my own musings about how to step into that particular archetype in a conscious way.
So what is an archetype then?
Put very simply, archetypes are essential and timeless energy signatures that are present in every living person. Some people seem to personify much more of one specific archetype, while others may express a completely different one. And some people can also be a mixture of many different archetypes.
Archetypes can and do change over time, coming and going throughout the course of an individual’s life in line with how their life journey unfolds. And just like ideas, archetypes are not confined to people and personalities, but live out there in what Jung described as “collective unconscious”. This is the reason why we may meet many different people, all sharing same or similar qualities or traits.
Some of the well-known and easily-recognisable archetypes are those of a hero, a prince, a king, a mother, a warrior, a victim, a scholar, a hermit, a princess, a queen, a goddess, and so on.
So what is the queen archetype?
According to some teachings, women go through life gradually progressing from the archetypal princess (between birth and the age of 40) to a queen in training (between 40 and 49 years old) and then to a fully-fledged queen from the age of approximately 50 upwards.
And it seems that it’s some women’s reluctance to accept that it’s time to move to a new phase of life, that can result in them experiencing a mid-life crisis, as well as issues around their body image and weight in many cases.
A Queen who has decided to ascend her throne, on the other hand, is a woman who feels ready to come to peace with life, her body, as well as various toxic beliefs about herself she may have inherited from her family, partners and the world itself.
The shadow side of the queen archetype.
As we all know from real life and fairy tales, not all queens are benevolent ones. And examples such as the Snow Queen from Hans Christian Andersen’s tale of the same title, or the Wicked Queen from Brother Grimms’ “Snow White”, are very good illustrations of what is known as the shadow side of the queen archetype.
Many powerful and sovereign women who inhabited our planet over the centuries and millennia, have been thought of as being judgmental, angry, controlling, vengeful, cold-hearted and lonely. And that itself is a very reason why many women chose not to embrace the queen archetype in the past. Because who in their right mind would choose to live like that?
However, an aware and benevolent queen is anything but the evil caricature that we are so well-acquainted with.
Benevolent queen
She is a woman who is intuitive and in touch with her leadership qualities and potential. And it is her awareness of having a greater purpose in life and her knowledge of connection to the higher power out there (whatever she chooses to call it), which give her strength and confidence.
So how do we embrace our inner benevolent queen and become a force to be reckoned with, both in our own, as well as in other people’s lives?
Assert your power
This involves taking charge of and directing your life according to your intent and wishes. And it doesn’t mean not taking advice from others, but rather knowing that at the end of the day, the final decision on what should happen belongs to you.
So stop deferring your decisions to others and get more in tune with your own intuition and inner guidance as sources of strength and wisdom.
Get to know your core values and live according to them
Have you taken the time to work out what feels “right” or “true” for you in relation to other people, behaviour patterns, beliefs, and the world itself? And do you also know what you find “false”, unacceptable, or just plain wrong?
By answering those questions, you will be in a much stronger position to follow your inner compass and not allow others sway you from your chosen course. And you will also be perceived as a person of integrity because of your actions.
Identify your strengths and build on them
Have confidence in the things that you are truly good at and work on improving them, rather than constantly comparing yourself to others, concentrating on your shortcomings and worrying about not being good enough.
And celebrate your unique gifts by shining your light as brightly as possible and with the knowledge that there is only one of you in the entire big world.
For a bonus queen point, share your knowledge by mentoring or teaching others who would benefit from your expertise. You might be surprised how many people would be grateful if you decided to do that.
Don’t let the green-eyed monster steal your sweetness
Being supportive and encouraging of other women and seeing them as members of a sisterhood, rather than rivals in love, career, or life itself can have amazingly positive effect on the quality of our lives, as we end up embracing the energy of sharing and cooperation, rather than the one of competition.
Identify and turn off negative inner scripts
What does the voice in your head try to convince you of? Do you believe you’re strong, powerful and capable? Or that you’re weak, make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or don’t have much value?
Whatever your inner critic is telling you repeatedly, is de facto the subconscious script which is currently running your life. And if you want different outcomes, you will need to change the stories you keep repeating to yourself to more uplifting and positive ones.
Like the old saying goes, turn the page and start a new chapter. Or even more radically, burn the old book altogether and start writing a new one.
How can we do it on the practical level? There are several techniques and methods out there, some of which involve introspection and being more mindful, some which rely on creative visualisation, and others which might involve help of a trained practitioner.
On the self-help level, doing things such as journaling, working with mantras and affirmations and doing creative visualisation exercises are a great start in our battle with the inner critic.
If you never tried mindfulness or other practices described above and are curious to give them a go, download a copy of my FREE guide to creating a holistic spa experience in the comfort of your home, which includes a section on various mindfulness and embodiment practices
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Dress and live like a queen
Apart from doing the internal work of visualising and working on our thoughts and belief patterns, we can also play with the opulent aspect of the queen archetype in the physical world. And I wanted to clarify this doesn’t have to involve getting yourself in debt or living beyond your means.
In fact, at the risk of contradicting myself, I am prepared to put forward a hypothesis that we can strive at being conscious and frugal queens. The ones who are aware of the impact of their lifestyles and spending habits on the world around them and other people, so choose what they surround themselves with very carefully, trying to concentrate on quality over quantity.
So that if your budget is still more like J. K. Rowling before she found fame than Queen B (Beyonce), and you find yourself faced with a choice of a beautiful and well-made second hand cashmere jumper from a charity or a pre-loved store against a brand new item from Primark, which very likely was produced in a sweat shop somewhere, you don’t need very long to decide which one you would rather have.
Another way of embodying your inner queen would be by learning about and embracing the styles and colours that suit you, either by yourself or with professional help. So that when you decide to step out in your “glad rags”, you can make the most of the unique and beautiful person you are on the physical level. And we must not forget that since colours are all about energy, choosing the right ones can help you revitalise and uplift your spirit too.
Make your alliances and build your court
Unlike the archetypal wicked queens from our fairy-tales or history lessons, whose courts often tended to comprise of traitors, social climbers, narcissists and potential rivals, a benevolent queen takes her time to build supportive environments of people who are loyal and committed to her growth.
And in return for that, the queen herself is prepared to inspire, serve and support her allies in the way that is mutually beneficial for everyone involved. This is possible because the connection between the queen and her “court” (of friends, followers, work colleagues, business partners etc) is not based on power or perceived supremacy of one above others, but on mutual respect, trust and often also shared common goals.
Cultivate loyalty and great partnerships
Being an equal partner and a companion is another important aspect of a queen archetype. For some women this will or can be realised through a committed relationship, such as marriage with a man who also stands in his power - hence embodying the king archetype. For others it may take a form of a great business partnership or a connection to another person through close-knit social circles.
The key words here are trust, loyalty and commitment to whatever partnership one is compelled to enter into.
Treat commitment as something that is non-negotiable
We all know that all great kingdoms require time to come into their power (Rome wasn’t built in a day after all) and your personal queendom is no different in that respect. So in order to step into your queen archetype, you have to commit to your projects, your cause, your life and yourself as a person.
Will there be low days when you feel like you are a fighting a losing battle with other people, circumstances, your habits and belief patterns or even your inner critic? You bet.
Will you feel like quitting on some of those days? Most likely.
Will you still persevere despite those obstacles? In your queen mode you are bound to, because a true queen knows that wars often require many battles in order to be won. So she picks herself up, dusts herself off and carries on with her mission, even despite enemies and naysayers, using her perceived failures as stepping stones to her eventual triumph.
Stop people-pleasing
A note to yourself: You can’t be everything to everyone
An important reminder: You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm
A warning: When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself.
When you embody a queen archetype, you already know that people pleasing doesn’t work and therefore don’t engage in it.
But what can you do instead? As mentioned above, in the point about getting to know your own core values, living your life in the way that feels right for you is probably a much better solution. By doing so, you get to practice what you believe in and what you stand for on daily basis, therefore giving others an opportunity to see the real, unmasked you, to get inspired by your light and passion and maybe even to follow your lead.
And that is exactly what real queens do.
Communicate clearly and be direct
The Bible advocates: “Simply let your yes be yes, and your no be no” and I think it is great advice, even for those of us who are not Christians or religious in general.
By speaking directly and stating our thoughts and intent clearly, we are eliminating any potential confusion on the part of the listener. And we are also re-affirming that we are someone who knows herself and her mind well, both of which are great attributes on an empowered queen.
So try to eliminate hesitation in how you communicate and say what you really mean instead. And do so with kindness, but also with no apologies for speaking your truth.
Practise self-responsibility
This is the most fundamental principle of embodying the queen archetype.
The opposite of the queen archetype is that of a victim. Because a victim is someone who deflects responsibility for what happens in her life on to other people and external circumstances. This, by the way, doesn’t mean that everyone who fell on hard times, or found themselves in some really challenging situations, is a victim. However, it is our response to those events that determines whether we address them in a way a queen or a victim would.
So if you want to start dealing with life like a queen, practice standing in your own power and sovereignty as a way of influencing the course of events, rather than just letting the stormy waters of life carry you along with the flow.
Living life the queen's way – closing words
Having read all the points above, you might be now wondering if being a queen sounds a little bit like too much hard work.
And whether it might be easier to just continue living your life like you always did - if you are not already firmly seated on your throne by now.
The choice is, of course, yours to make. And while I myself can sometimes see the attraction of not making a fuss and living a quiet life, there is also another part of me which knows that we are not meant to just pass through here without shining like the supernovas we truly are inside. And without leaving lasting imprints in the hearts and minds of those we encounter, as well as making our unique marks in the word itself.
Your mission or purpose doesn’t have to be a grand one, but if you find one, this can make life feel so much more than just a daily grudge that many experience it as.
So go forward and claim your thrones queens to be! Our world needs you more than ever now.
PS. Don’t forget to check out my FREE guide to creating a beautiful holistic home spa experience that includes delicious and healthy recipes, mindfulness practices and recipes for simple home-made beauty products. Your inner queen will be jumping for joy at all the indulgences that await inside. Download it BY CLICKING HERE.
With my best wishes for lots of radiance in your own life
Barbara
Inside Out Radiance Health Coaching
www.insideoutradiance.com